Is Real Life like a Disney Fairy Tale?

"Aunt Cris, I need you to send me a princess dress, a tiara, a purse matching my dress, and don’t forget the glass slippers, please,” my niece Gabriela, asks me. “I am a little princess, that’s why I need a perfect dress to look beautiful, like all the princesses on Disney movies,” she explains. I was astonished by the perception of beauty and perfection in the mind of a five year old little girl, who thinks to look beautiful and perfect she needs to dress like a princess. The Fairy Tales are the expression of the collective psyche that delights children and adults of all generations. This is because this literary genre is full of symbols. Why is the image of being a princess so attractive to
little girls’ imagination? Is real life like a Disney fairy tale? Real life is not even close to being a fairy tale.

Young girls have learned to idolize the Disney princesses, and have even begun to look at them as the perfect role models to follow in order to achieve perfect lives. In her article, on The Daily
Beast website, Jessica Bennett writes about her impressions on Peggy Orenstein’s new book “Cinderella Ate My Daughter” and mentions that “studies have shown young girls today face more pressure than ever to be ‘perfect’ - not only to be smart and successful academically, but to be beautiful, fashionable, and kind.” They are exposed to media that makes them worry about being pretty and sexy. “A study from the University of Minnesota has even found that advertisements have a negative impact on girl’s self-esteem” (Bennett, 2011).

In a world where more marriages fail than succeed, children naturally learn that real life isn’t like the fairy tales they love. But their young minds hope and wish that life was perfect or that it is even possible to be perfect if ‘things were different.’ Children often feel responsible for their failing home life, which is the responsibility of their parents. They feel as though they could control their parents’ decisions or economic status if they did better in school, were prettier, or won last week’s soccer game. According to Jolivet (2011), “impaired parenting” can contribute to this way of thinking. “The impaired parent is one of that loves his or her child, but is incapable of reasonable parenting. These parents do not understand that love is an emotion and not a skill. An example of an impaired parent is one who cannot say ‘no’ to his or her child without feeling guilty for doing exactly what parents are supposed to do” (Jolivet, 2011).

Fairy tales generally portray a happy ending to a not-so-happy story. For example, most of the Disney princesses were suffering in one way or another before they found their prince. This may
be the key to teaching children though. We may have less than perfect circumstances, but we can work to improve our situation and the “happily ever after” in our own stories. Some kids think “that Disney’s version of the fairy tale is the real story rather that the ‘classic’ version to which they may or may not have been exposed through school or home” (Hurley, 2005). We can teach little girls that looks and princes aren’t always the happy ending. We can teach children that we don’t have to wait for happily ever after but enjoy the journey, too.

Cinderella found her prince after putting on a beautiful dress and getting her hair done but Mulan found her man after she fought a courageous battle against the Huns. Snow White was being hunted by the wicked step-mother, but she loved taking care of her home, garden, and seven other people. Jasmine had a very luxurious life in the palace but a young homeless boy showed her life was worth more than jewels. “…Sometimes individuals assume that if the movie is a Disney movie, it is a ‘safe’ movie for children to view, posing no potential for negative consequences. However, Disney and Fairytale movies contain many examples of gender stereotypical portrayals that may influence young viewers in a variety of ways” (Bonds-Raacke, 2008). Disney has a bad reputation for teaching vain and self-centered lessons but if you read more into the story, you find valuable lessons that can and should be shared with children.

“Dear Gabriela, you are a beautiful little girl. You are so valuable just the way you are! While it is so fun to dress up like the pretty princesses in the movies, don’t forget you are perfect the way you are now! The world needs all kinds of little girls: in dresses, in school, in sports, in church, as artists, as singers, those who are courageous, loving, imaginative, and hard working. But every little girl doesn’t have to do all of those things to be special! You just choose what you love and try hard to enjoy it!”

I love Disney just as much as my niece Gabriela. I grew up watching the movies and reenacting them with my sister for hours after. But now, in a more modern and enlightened time period, some of the messages Disney has incorporated into their films have become outdated. That doesn't mean children should stop watching the classic films. The old-fashioned morals can help little girls learn about ideals. But somewhere along the line, their dreams of Prince Charming will come crashing down, because real life is not even close to a “happily ever after” ending, because even in a happy marriage we still face some challenges, trials and adversities. And this, I suppose, is all part of growing up.

References
Bennett, J. (2011, January 26).
Retrieved
from http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2011/01/26/disney-princesses-and-the-battle-for-your-daughter-s-soul.html
Bonds-Raacke, J.
M. (2008). Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty: Developing Course on Disney and
Fairytale Movies. Journal Of Instructional Psychology, 35(3), 232-234.
Hurley, D. L.
(2005). Seeing White: Children of Color and the Disney Fairy Tale Princess. Journal
Of Negro Education, 74(3), 221-232.
Jolivet, K. (2011). The Psychological
Impact of Divorce on Children: What is a Family Lawyer to Do?. American
Journal Of Family Law, 25(4), 175-183.

Mordern ways of finding love, techonology can bring into our lives.

We live in a modern world where the Internet has a tremendous impact on people's
lives, views and actions. More and more people have turned to technology to make their lives easier and more convenient. Choosing to meet people online rather than be linked to someone by a mutual friend is one example. There are a variety of reasons some people choose to date online, while others chose to date face-to-face. Although online dating and traditional dating
are very different, they share some similarities.

Some people choose online dating because they feel they are disadvantaged
in traditional dating situations. They may be shy and find it difficult and stressful to meet new people. Online dating provides the opportunity for anonymity, and they can start a conversation in the comfort of their home or on the go with a mobile device. Some may find it easier to express their thoughts and feelings through the Internet, and once they feel comfortable with someone else, they may decide to meet with each other. The disadvantage for
a person in virtual dating is that they do not have friends to back them up. All the daters have to rely on is each other’s picture and profile with limited information available. Somehow, they have to get people to trust them. Not to mention that before someone says "hi" to somebody, they look at their picture first. If they do not like it, they do not bother saying hello or looking at the profile.

In traditional dating, there are many ways to find someone to date. It can be through a chance encounter that leads to friendship, then dating. It can be friends pushing two people together, and, somehow, it ends up working. It can be through hanging out with friends and social activities. It can be two long lost friends who find they are made for each other and so on. Some might think the old fashion way is a more effective way to meet potential dates. They may think that online is an illusion of pictures and words, and that it is misleading, confusing and distant. However, one of the downsides of traditional dating is that people usually do not know much
about the other person. This can lead to uncomfortable dating experiences. While on the other side, in online dating, they have the opportunity to scan through profiles and chat with the person before the effective date in the first place. This way, they can have a better idea about the life of the other person and interests, and that could make the first meeting more relaxed and enjoyable.

Online or face-to-face, which one is better? There are many ways to look at it. Basically, it all depends on where people are in their life. If they want to find somebody outside of their circle of friends, they could go for online dating. If they are not afraid of blind dates, real life could be the way to go. It is important to choose and take things at the right pace. If things move too fast it may be good to take a step back, breath, and not rush. In both ways, treat it as if it were a real
life date, taking things from the beginning and going from there. Both ways work for different people. I personally experienced both sides of the story and I can say that I had a better result dating online than traditionally. When I first met my husband on a phone call, it was very convenient to date online because of the distance between Brazil and United States. We did
not have to decide if we had found the other person attractive right away. We were both able to choose our words and make a good impression. Our initial reaction happened before meeting in person, because we had written profiles and pictures to help us along the way.

So which one is easier, online or face-to-face? The short answer is it all depends on personal preferences. Both methods use the same processes of getting to know each other, and following the routines that everybody has to go through in real life. No matter which method some might choose, they still have to introduce themselves, make an impression, and find someone they actually like and who will like them back.